Q&A: How Do I Earn Back Trust and Continue Being a Friend?

I was wondering if you can post some advice for me. I got a friend whom is a depressed young man whom got his girlfriend maybe pregnant. The girlfriend has been taking pregnancy tests all day. Five of them total. I’m tellin’ him he should go to a professional to confirm it and if they wanted to do an abortion to get medical help. I haven’t met the girlfriend even though I don’t know why he won’t introduce me to her. Sure I was an ex-gf, but we’re friends now and he respects that but I only think of him like an older brother.

I tried texting him wanting to help and stuff and for her not to do an abortion. I heard many terrible things about it. But I remember from my aunt that she had a friend who did an abortion and she was so skinny and other worse things that people made fun of her and she had to drop out of school.

He’s irresponsible in my opinion and I did want to help. But find out later on that day she did an abortion already. I was ready to help them in whatever way they wanted me to help. Whether support, take the girlfriend to the clinic, even willing to give up some of my money.

Sometimes I don’t know what do to do. I try to be a good friend to him. But he shuts me out and distrusts me now a bit. I’m trying to build up a friendship since the last time I told on him. He asked me to do something I wouldn’t ever do. and the girlfriend agreed to do it if he had sex with her and stuff.

I told on him that day and got called up to a confidential office that day too. He had lied to me that day and I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing. at times I don’t know when I’ll be hitting the wall again. Cause I always feel like I’m throwing myself at that brick wall instead of walking away. I know that it’s a burden value to try and be helpful ever since the time I didn’t listen and got myself hurt in the process as well some depression.

I’m not sure how to be a friend anymore without sounding nosy, too unknowing and throwing out ideas, or even sounding like a tattle tale for telling on something that could of seriously sound like they might hurt themselves.

I felt like I was honoring my values like my health teacher taught us in our health class. Since it’s a required one trimester course. Also decision making that goes towards it as well as our values and responsibilites that we have to our friends. and it saddens me that she went and did the abortion (because I value life with all my heart). But I don’t know how to be a friend and not be so upset at what they did. I don’t h-a-t-e them, but I can’t believe they were (in my opinion) rash about throwing away a life that could of been born and happy in this world.

Do you have any ideas or thoughts on what I might be able to do while still honoring my values?


a lost and troubled person

Hi There,

Thanks for your question. I commend you for all the support that you have for this couple. I actually don’t know any ex-girlfriends who are willing to help their ex-boyfriends with their current relationships.

You shouldn’t feel bad about telling something that could potentially hurt someone, even if they ask you not to. You could be saving a life. So even though you feel like a “tattle”, if you told because it was in his best interest, don’t feel bad.

It’s unfortunate that his girlfriend terminated her pregnancy, but this was something that she chose to do, and at the time, it may have seemed like the right thing to do.

We can’t judge her for it because that’s not for us to do. The judging job has already been taken by the man upstairs. All you can do is provide support for the two.

I understand that you’re upset about what they did. But there’s nothing that you can do about that now, what’s done is done. You can definitely talk to your ex though about not having sex or at least using protection.

Friends have their limitations. I know that you want to provide that continued support, but you don’t want to get too involved, especially if he doesn’t want that.

It’s okay to be concerned and to offer advice, but don’t act like you’re his mother. Be there for him and listen to him. Offer your advice and opinion if he asks for it. Heck, you can offer it even if he doesn’t, just stay within your boundaries.

Continuing to be in his corner will help him gain back any trust for you that he has lost. Talk with him and let him know why you so called tattled on him. It wasn’t to hurt him, it was to help.

Continue to honor your values and I’m proud of you for not doing something with your ex that would go against them. You’re a smart individual and you’re definitely headed in the right direction.

Continue to provide as much support for your friend as possible. You’ll slowly earn back his trust. Good luck with everything 🙂

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