What To Do When You Find Out You Have a Gay Best Friend

It may come as a shock when you learn that you have a gay best friend. It’s like they just come out of the blue and lay it on you. So what do you do or say when they tell you?

Don’t Freak Out

Once they’re done dropping this bomb shell on you, you have to react. However, don’t get all hysterical. The last thing you want your best friend to think is that you hate them.

Appreciate the fact that they had enough guts to tell you in the first place. Telling someone that you’re gay doesn’t come easy for some and you won’t be making it a whole lot better by acting insane.

Think about what you say before you say it. If you don’t support or agree with your best friend being gay, then let them know in a polite way.

Don’t Criticize or Judge

If you’re religious and don’t believe in homosexuality, then that’s fine. However, not everyone believes in the same things as you do. It’s not your job to judge or criticize and if they’re your best friend, you shouldn’t do it anyways.

I have a gay best friend who I wouldn’t trade for the world. He’s the greatest friend that anyone could have. Do I necessarily agree with him being gay? No. But I don’t judge him. He’s free to do as he pleases.

I’ve learned how to adjust to it and if you love your best friend, then you will too. Something like their sexuality shouldn’t break up a great friendship. This is something that definitely tests how good of a friend you are.

If You Have Virgin Ears, Speak on It

There have been a few times when my best friend has told me about a date that he went on and then just gave too much information. I’m all for listening about how good of a time you had, but I don’t need to hear about anything sexual. I don’t have virgin ears, but that’s where I draw the line.

So, if your bestie is providing just a tad more information than you’d like to hear, it’s best that you say something. The last thing you want is to be uncomfortable around your best friend. You also don’t want those kind of thoughts in your head if you were ever to meet your best friend’s partner.

I’ll usually change the subject quick fast and in a hurry. Because I don’t want to hurt his feelings, I try to do my best to veer off into another subject. It usually works.

Be Honest

The last thing you want to do is put on a front. It’s not fair to you or your best friend. If you can’t handle their way of life, then let them know. Don’t lead them to think that you’re okay with it if you’re not.

A healthy relationship is based on honesty and you should be nothing less of honest. Maybe their way of life isn’t normal or right for you and that’s okay, but let them know.

If you don’t agree with it, then tell them why you don’t agree with it, but at the same time, let them know that it’s their decision and you won’t judge them based on their life style.

If your friend gets mad at you for being honest, then that’s okay too. They’ll get over it, but at least you know that you didn’t lie to them and you wanted to be real.

Try to Adjust

If you decide that you still want to be friends, then there may be some adjustments you’ll need to make. At some point in time you’ll end up meeting your friends partner.

This may or may not be uncomfortable for you. However, you come to terms with the fact that you may see your friend be intimate with their partner.

There could be some kissing or play touching involved. You’ll either go, “Awwwww”, or you’ll want to throw up. Which one are you? Either one isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just something you feel.

You’ll definitely have to learn how to adjust to these situations. Maybe you could let your friend know that you’ll need some time to come to terms with everything. They should be understanding. They did just drop something heavy on ya.

If you and your bestie are the same sex, you may wonder if they’ll hit on you. It’s normal to think that. However, if you start off in the beginning letting them know how you feel, then you should be okay.


Depending on the type of person you are, accepting the fact that you have a gay best friend may be easy or hard. It’s all in how you deal with it. Do you have a gay best friend? How do you feel about it? Let’s chat.


  1. Hey –

    I just wanted to give my thoughts on this. I actually found a penfriend who was gay and the strange thing was, I was literally brought up in a background where homosexuality was not spoken of much, and on the chances that it happened, a lot of my family members were very religious so their thoughts on the subject was always negative.

    At first I didn’t know what to make of Alex when I sent him an email on a penfriend website, and well, we got to talking and literally several weeks later, we were best friends, and he’s definitely somebody I think the world of. It’s totally different having a gay best friend as opposed to well, straighties in so many ways, for one thing he’s a guy, but that doesn’t stop him from being very girlie and relating to me at a level that I just don’t find weird or distasteful or whatever. He told us he was gay right from the start and I did correspond with him out of curiosity and now he’s practically the dream best friend I’ve been practically searching my whole life, lol. I’m really grateful I have him, and well, the feeling’s apparently very mutual.

    Coming from a background that basically rejected people based on their sexual orientation and not seeing the people beside that, I couldn’t be happier about the fact that I was open minded and decided to see where a friendship of that sort would take me. He truly is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’m so glad I found him. 🙂 I’ve accepted him for who he is, and he showed me a different side to a world where people are sadly reviled based on their exterior differences, and sadly not exposed to the amazing people they are on the inside. And I’m all the more happier for finding a guy who couldn’t be sweeter, more loving, more girlie, funny, smart, boisterous and cheerful. Just the thought of him puts a smile to my face every single day – so I’m very lucky. 🙂

    • That’s great Amaya! I wish a lot more people would see things the way you do. It’s not our job to judge anyone based on their sexuality. I’m proud to say that I love my gay bestie. He’s actually better than having a girl bestie. I don’t judge him for who he is and he knows that. Thanks for sharing 🙂

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